Posted on June 15, 2022

All women have something they hold secret, sacred, or both. We all have that one situation that we think “didn’t happen” or had happened in the far away past and doesn’t require our attention anymore.

We have locked it very far in a deep dark corner of our psyche and promised ourselves to never let it out.

Cheating on a husband, betraying a friend, being a psychotic bitch, being harassed, being bullied, not being enough, waiting for “the one” to arrive…

All these are shameful experiences we don’t want to bring up to the surface.

The bad news is that it’s never going away. It just sits there and bottles up living in our body. By pretending it doesn’t exist and not addressing it, we give it power and it grows inside of us until one day it hits us hard and fast. And it slowly creeps in and affects all other areas of life: relationships, work, leisure — everything.

It just sits there watching, listening and waiting for the right moment.

We all try to fix our negative feelings and fix each other.

Past frozen tensions might be triggered by certain events and we react. We think the world is ending. We think this is it. We think there are no other options.

The good news is that our little secret is going to “come out” anyhow. The body needs to liberate tension regardless of our plans and hidden corners. The body has its own plans and clocks in order to function optimally.

If we don’t “work” with it, pain in the shoulders or the neck will start appearing more often. Our stomach getting upset. Headaches, muscle aches, joint pains.

We start hearing less. We start listening less. We start seeing less. Our gut feeling isn’t that sharp anymore. Our intuition is subsiding.

The body is always talking to us. We just need to listen.

It’s up to us whether we let the body go on autopilot or we can take charge and address this little secret “monster” living in our mind and in our body by becoming vulnerable and addressing it.

The other good news is that it’s so much easier to live in truth. So many of us use an enormous amount of energy, emotional capacity and physical tension to keep secrets hidden. It takes a lot more effort to keep something hidden than it is to open and just let yourself be.

A good coach with integrity is someone who will never be your guru or an expert on you. Because they are not you. Their job is to hold space, ask questions and guide you where you need to go.

So here are 9 reasons why you have to work with a life coach to get your little monster sorted and show it who’s the boss:

• They have been where you are. A good coach continuously works on himself. In fact, a good coach gets hit hard because they are doing this kind of work. They are constantly expanding and moving forward because they can only coach someone as deep as they go themselves. They don’t have the answers but they will help you navigate your own path through the familiar dark forest.
• They don’t really care about you. They don’t have an agenda and a subjective opinion on why you should or shouldn’t dump Brian. They are there to help you figure out why are you with Brian in the first place, what does he mean to you and make you realize important things about yourself. They come in as a witness and if Brian has to dump you, they will be able to get you to see that. They are neutral this way. They care about you as their client but their job is not to be your friend. You don’t pay a friend to spend time with you. A coach is a coach. Don’t expect them to be anything less or more.
• A good coach or therapist will never tell you what to do, what is right or wrong and how you should have proceeded in a situation. That is not the job of a life coach. Only you know what you need to do, what is right or wrong for you and how you should have proceeded in your situation. A good coach will help you get there easier and faster (or, perhaps, longer if that is a necessary path.)
• A great coach will ask you powerful questions and will take you to places you’ve never been to before. He/she will stretch your limits and push your boundaries of what you think is possible. At some moment you won’t be able to believe it… you will just stare at one specific point on the wall thinking “Aw may gawd… How did I not see this before? How did I not think this before?”
• A great coach will call you (and themselves) out on the bullshit. You will feel uncomfortable working with such a coach. Because why else are you there for? You need someone to come in and say “Honey, I hear you. I understand. I’m here with you. I’ve been there. But this is the story you’ve been telling yourself. Let’s look at that.” Even the most powerful and rich people in the world need others to look at their situation from outside, from another angle. “What am I not seeing? What do I need to work on?” — these are the questions you need to be asking your coach. This is personal growth. When you’re ready to take things further, to face your demons and walls, and get past them.
• A good coach will make you feel accepted and normal, sometimes for the first time. Everyone is so quick to jump to conclusions about you. A good coach will accept all of you because she knows you are human. You will make mistakes, you will fall and stand back up, you will judge yourself and you will survive. Knowing this simple truth is a powerful instrument. The problem is that you can’t really coach yourself. All coaches have their own coaches.
• A good coach will help you navigate the complicated terrain of your mind, body, and soul. They will point out things that you couldn’t see before. They will invite you on a journey (with your permission) inwards. That journey should be the biggest journey of your life because what you feed your mind, body and soul dictates how you live your life and its quality. The more you get uncomfortable, the more you grow.
• A great coach will be one of your biggest investments. Sure you can probably do it all by yourself. But it will take you a lot of trial and error and a lot of time. So many women told me the story of taking the leap of faith and paying thousands of dollars to get trained by another coach. Time is money, girlfriend. So don’t be cheap with yourself. Invest in working with someone who will take you further than you have ever imagined. Great coaches are expensive because they know their sh*t and they come with high recommendations. If you have to get into the waiting line to work with a coach, do it. Their time is also very limited because they can only work with a limited number of people at one time. Respect that.
• A good coach will be holding space for you without judgment. Because see point #2. Such a coach will be professional and never let a personal agenda interfere. That’s why you should never work with a coach who is your friend. A good coach will set up and maintain your and her boundaries. A good coach will know how to create a container for you and her to work together. You will be able to release your shame and be yourself without fear of judgment or condemnation.

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